December 3, 2003
“The school of the future must make the object of education the subject of his own education. The man submitting to education must become the man educating himself; education of others must become the education of oneself. This fundamental change in the individual’s relationship to himself is the most difficult problem facing education for the future decades of scientific and technical revolution” Edgar Faure, and others, Learning to Be (UNESCO, Paris, 1972)
December 11, 2003
Haven’t written in a while because I’ve been busy at work with the usual obligations. Tonight, I have been reflecting on my philosophy of adult ed. and where I see myself in it. This is, in part, our assignment for this upcoming orientation weekend at St. Ben’s. We have to come up with our own philosophy of adult ed. Based on the readings I’ve been doing, I would have to say, tentatively, that the notion of self-directed learning is what I’m leaning towards because much of the beliefs that underscore the approach of SDL, echo my own. And yet, I realize that the context for which I work may not accommodate this approach based on [my work's] purposes. Reflecting back on how I have always approached my Ac. 5 classes, for instance, I know that I’ve taken a SDL approach to teaching and interacting with my students, without even knowing it. I like the dynamic that’s created when the instructor becomes the facilitator – as opposed to the ‘expert’ – of the learning process. I believe it facilitates or eases relationships between all in the class and makes for a happier, more comfortable learning environment that’s conducive to interaction. Of course, there are other factors to take into consideration, like cultural implications and individual idiosyncrasies. However, I think that SDL acknowledges and accommodates these factors, affirming the individual.
December 13, 2003
Second day of the final orientation session for the program. So far it’s been great fun with the cohort having come together very nicely. Have done a lot of sharing of recent experiences with the mini literature review and readings that have been significant in some way. Much of the information shared has been interesting and invaluable. I talked, along with Brian and Elmer, about Jane Vella’s book, "Learning to Listen, Learning to Teach". Brian introduced it, Elmer talked about her 12 quantum concepts, and I recounted one of the stories Vella shares in the book that employs the three components of successful learning. This combines the cognitive, affective, and psychomotor skills (ideas, feelings, action) into the learning process and should result in a respectful, harmonious and reciprocating experience when implemented.
This evening, we had dinner then hung out as a group, chatting, playing pool and drinking various concoctions of homemade brew. We started at 6:00 and finished up at 10:00. I think I’ve come out to everyone with people not making a fuss about it, so I feel happy about that. It’s nice to feel validated as a gay person in an ostensibly straight environment. I even had an interesting conversation with L. about her interests in spirituality, which has no particular affinities to religion. I respect and share many of her stances on the whole issue, but particularly appreciated how she doesn’t feel the need to get up on a soapbox to expound on it like many others do. It’s great to come together with like kind.
March 24, 2004
I can’t believe that I haven’t written for over two months. However, time does have a tendency to fly when one is occupied with concurrent projects. Currently, I have been busy with work, graduate studies, and the upcoming Kusina Collective art show and sale, each compartmentalized into my weekdays in rigorously scheduled tasks. It’s the only way I know how to organize and render as efficient as possible all that I must do. It’s a hectic schedule but I’m enjoying the processes. The intricacies of ruminating on an approach I might take to address or resolve issues is a fascinating experience and I do believe it’s helping me to grow as a person.
Another person who’s been really supportive is Richard Nordrum, who’s helped to proof and edit my résumé with added advice as to how to approach the job-search process as a whole. He advised me to be aware of the fact that it’s often one’s connections that determines how successful one is in finding the most suitable job. He’s made numerous editions to my résumé, which has helped me become more aware of the importance of fine-tuning my résumé-writing skills. Whether my newly-revised résumé will help to get me a job is uncertain. However, I’d like to give it a try. I continually ask myself if and how I’ll ever effect this move, but there’s something about my current circumstances – the ease with which all of this is happening, the amount of support I’ve been receiving, the reassurances from people about how I’m well qualified enough to get a job – that tells me that this move will eventually take place.
In terms of my graduate course work, I’ve been setting aside time each day to work on either the readings or taking notes on them. Given the fact that I can’t devote myself to this program as extensively as I’d like to, the process is feeling rather slow to me. However, I am determined to internalize as much of what I’m learning as possible.
Much of my readings now have to do with the theme of empowerment and how education/learning can help to manifest that right for everyone. I’ve recently read Elizabeth Ellsworth, Audre Lourde, Howard Gardner, and Paulo Freire: all proponents of human rights and the idea that education can be a vehicle to human liberation. They’re educators who also feel strongly about the need to re-think and re-vamp the current educational system as it perpetuates certain stereotypes about the way people learn, as well as undermines the variety of intelligences that may not fit the classical paradigm of how intelligence has been defined. It’s all an interesting learning process and is leading me to question my focus. Should I maintain my original focus of self-directed learning and how it may be used in an ESL classroom, or should I focus more on education as a social tool to effect change? I could also explore the area of learning disabilities within an ESL context, given the number of students in the (English Language) Program who seem to reflect some learning disability. At this stage, I believe I still need to do more reading to help me make an informed decision.
May 24, 2004
My schedule has lightened considerably, now that the KUSINA show is over. Got some really positive comments people, so I’m quite pleased, thought I didn’t end up selling any of the pieces I made.
May 28, 2004
Am getting into Freire a lot. I’m more than half way through his ‘Pedagogy of the Oppressed’ and am finding a lot there that relates to the current state of education and how it needs re-evaluation. So much of what Freire discusses has to do with current approaches and how it’s based on patriarchal, oppressive attitudes that presupposes that students don’t know anything and that it’s the instructor’s job to fill their minds with knowledge. Freire refers to this as the ‘banking approach’ to education, where students are akin to deposit boxes, receptive and open, without the opportunity to voice their opinions as reflective of their experiences. Such an approach has oppressive overtones left over from past patriarchal tendencies that imprisoned people and didn’t allow for independent thinking.
Note: In September 2004, I re-located to Toronto, ON after landing a contract as an academic writing tutor at the Ontario College of Art & Design. Henceforth, the journal entries reflect my work with students at the Writing & Learning Centre of this post-secondary institution.
October 17, 2004
It’s been a while since I last wrote an entry and a lot has happened since then.
I’m certainly feeling more settled now that some time has passed. Professionally, my work experience has turned out to be enjoyable, fulfilling, and not as demanding as what it used to be. This is fortuitous as I need to be able to focus more on my studies. More than ever, I feel the compulsion to hasten the process of completing this degree. Not only would doing so put me more in contention for the more lucrative-paying jobs at post-secondary institutions, I would also like to expedite the process of getting a doctorate degree. Teaching regular courses at a university has become an obsession, not only for its financial advantages, but also for the kinds of discourses, exchanges, and insights that doing so would allow me.
I recently read two books by Bell Hooks that have opened my eyes on what it means to be a critical thinker. It’s left me wondering whether I’ve been complacent in my ignorance when it comes to the impact society has had on my ability to question racist, sexist, or oppressive stances. Have there been times in my life when I’d been openly dismissed based on my race, gender, or sexual orientation? If so, what was it that made me either not see it, or merely ignore it for the sake of complying with social convention?
What I appreciate about about Bell Hooks is her advocacy of expressing dissent for the sake of inclusion. She is rigorous about the need for discourse and debate amongst dissenting voices, even at the risk of hurt feelings, if doing so results in more knowledge or progress gained. I suppose I find this affirming because, in some ways, I’ve been a dissenting voice, and have felt shut down much of the time by people who either weren’t interested in what I had to say or didn’t like what I had to say. This feeling then leads me to ask whether students I’ve taught or currently teach have gone or go through the same experiences. If so what, as their teacher, can I do to help them overcome the obstacles?
Perhaps the answer lies in more readings on social activism, albeit activism rooted in peace as opposed to conflict or confrontation. Perhaps it’s in taking a more open, inquisitive stance when it comes to the student-teacher relations I cultivate in class. The answers seem so distant from where I currently am that I don’t know whether I’ll ever reach a stage where I can find them.
I’ve found it challenging to maintain regular journal entries, despite my initial resolve to do so after my last entry. I suppose lack of time, inclination, and the transition of moving to a
Having had a chance to focus more intensely on my studies has allowed me to reflect further on where my direction lies. Over the last few months I have entertained the thought of changing my focus away from the notion of self-directed learning within an ESL context to one of questioning the lack of pro-activism within the classroom in general. I reflected on making that change when I attended a workshop on the very notion back in December, and the topic of student apathy in the classroom was brought up. In a way it is a topic related to the notion of self-directed learning and how there is a prevalent lack of it in general. I thought that to research how this apathy has come about, as well as steps to address it would not only be fascinating, but also practically applicable. I embarked on readings that have taken me away from the exclusive study of ESL, and more into finding out about how ESL students are affected by their academic experiences in North America, indeed, by the North American culture in general. This has entailed learning about the history of the North American classroom experience as a teacher-centred experience, evolving into a more student-centred one, and how this has its foundation in religious notions of morality and ethics
After having reviewed my first
February 9, 2005
The further into my readings I get, the more I think that my original focus on self-directed learning in an ESL context is the way to go. The only thing that has changed is that I’d like to take into consideration my recent readings on the historical implications of religion, the cultural impact of the Afro-American experience, and use these as part of my overall theme of facilitating and encouraging a more pro-active classroom experience.
My only question at this point is whether I should maintain my focus on ESL students or expand it to include all students. The current apathy in the classroom today is ubiquitous enough to address in a more holistic way, though I think it becomes even more crucial within the ESL classroom because of the inherent cultural implications that preclude student pro-activism in many non-western cultures. The scope of the inquiry, on the other hand, may become too broad.
Yesterday, I was consulting with a student on a writing assignment which entailed a fairly rigorous research process. She had yet to start it and I sympathised with her feeling of being overwhelmed. However, I retained my stance of professionalism, providing her with advice on an approach she may want to take, and identifying the tasks that, based on the assignment, I felt she needed to clarify the process. It is notable to indicate that this was an ESL student, so the demanding nature of the assignment was compounded by a linguistic disadvantage.
Providing her with as much help as I could, I felt rather odd at the end of that session. Something in her demeanour made me think that I hadn’t done enough; that perhaps I should have provided her with more information .... By feeling a bit guilty about not providing that student with more information – in doing more than what I usually do – was I not pandering to the general sense of apathy that many people engage in: the general frustration people feel when they’re not given immediate answers? I don’t know. Nevertheless, I think it’s worth noting the fine line between providing students with the adequate tools they need in order to embark on the research process with a sense of empowerment, and pandering to a specific individual’s sense of futility.
February 23, 2005
Yesterday, I was consulting with two women who, at the moment I came in, started laughing hysterically. They tried to exercise self-control, and even apologized for their behaviour; however, I wondered whether this laughter was their response to my presence or help.
Such incidences bring to mind factors that prevent students from learning from instructors. Specifically, do one’s presumptions about someone affect the way one feels about that person? Is this behaviour culturally inherent or related to personality? It is also notable how one student was particularly hopeful that I advise her on someway of knowing what the answers were going to be on their test, based on their study guidelines. Indeed she used her status as an ESL student to justify her request because of the seeming disadvantages ESL students have. As much as I sympathized with her, I advised them instead on ways they could take matters into their own hands affecting a more self-initiating, independent stand. I’m not sure, however, whether I was able to convey to either of them of the importance of what I was speaking.
Perhaps it is the phenomena – the structuralist approach to studying, the belief that approach or methodology must be conducted in a linear, highly systematic manner – that stymies most people, and simply because it goes against their natural instincts. For myself, I know I get quite anxious when I don’t take this approach, even though I may prefer a less structured one. I like breaking up study sessions into hour-long blocks, with breaks to do other things, because I get too restless. On the other hand, I likehow a structured process accomplishes the task at hand. Since the process I use is often linear and systematic, I feel the reassurance that such an approach gives me. I think it’s a matter of maintaining balance. It’s being self-aware enough to know one’s limits in how much time one should spend on any one thing and to accommodate, even succumb, to the feelings of having had enough. It’s varying one’s pace, extent, and even environment of study, so that one is constantly stimulated and inspired.
This is a marked contrast to the way one studied or learned in a formal institution, where all approaches taken were structured, systematic, and linear regardless of whether such approaches were suited to individuals. It’s reassuring to know that one’s way of learning is recognized, acknowledged and accommodated, that it serves not one’s instructor or institution but one’s self. Despite the self-imposed pressure to hasten my progress, what distinguishes my learning experience today from the past is that the pressure is imposed from within as opposed to from outside myself.
I have just started another book, this time by a professor of academic writing named Helen Fox. The title is “Listening to the World: Cultural Issues in Academic Writing” and it focuses on the challenges that international students – she refers to them as majority students – face in academic writing. She introduces the fact that these students are high achievers, often in possession of several degrees, including graduate and post-doctorate work
Again, in light of my initial premise of the silencing of students, the question arises: could this lack of understanding on the part of North American educators to be cognizant and, therefore, be supportive of international students, be another factor that effectively renders such students mute? I, myself, had a consultation with a newly-arrived student from
I had a lesson today with a student from
An example of this is the recent hanging of two Iranian teenaged boys, suspected of being gay. No one could prove that they were actually involved, let alone that they had had sex. However, in Iranian culture, to be even suspected of being gay can have dire consequences. Gay men there would either have to live in secret or simply not act on their desires. But how difficult it is to be aware of who one truly is and not be able to live life honestly for fear of being put to death. That must be awfully challenging. So what can be done? Why must fear be the motivating factor for much of what we do?
Reflecting on the whole notion of silencing, there have been separate instances of it I’ve come across in the last little while. Two involve my students at OCAD. One of these ... whom I’ve been spent time socializing with outside of the college, expressed his frustration at how the language barrier compromises his ability to be able to fully express himself: knowing how articulate one is in one’s own language, only to be stymied when one tries to speak in a second language. I can tell that it’s a limiting experience for him; one that suppresses his self-confidence and questions his intelligence. In another instance, a female student from
One of the students I tutor ... met me today. One of the unique qualities about this woman is how instinctive she is. She has had a very hard life, growing up in an abusive home, currently going through a messy separation, and raising two kids as a single parent. Yet, she is able to do all this in addition to going to school full time and producing works of art. She showed me four samples of her work today: paintings ... which reflect a highly intuitive mind. The subject matter for all four works is abstract: highly anthropomorphic works in beautiful colour tones and textures. As she talked about the work, she voiced her concern about how hard it is for her to write about this work—that she would rather paint or create than write about it. However, she also recognizes the value of writing, not only for her classes, but as a way to generate or confirm ideas for herself. I asked her whether she talked to herself as she painted. She admitted doing so because talking to herself was one of the few things that helped her express her emotions. I, therefore, suggested that the next time she embarks on a painting project, she tape records herself talking. In this way, she would have a record of her musings, which she could then base her writing on. I believe this method to be an effective one in facilitating the writing process, because it gives voice to ourselves. So much of our culture frowns on the idea of self-talk, that it’s indicative of mental instability. However, having engaged in it myself, I can attest to its therapeutic value in allowing self-expression. From a practical aspect, I also find recording self-talk allows me to express myself without having to interrupt the creative process by stopping to write my thoughts down. Also, in replaying the recording one may arrange and re-arrange one’s transcribed thoughts on paper. Once a thought has been verbally expressed, it can help one to feel lighter, less restricted, less stressed. I suggested ... bring[ing] a tape recorder with her the next time we meet, because thus far, our sessions have consisted primarily of these highly discursive, revelatory talks that would be worth recording. As an alternative medium for self-expression, self-talk can facilitate epiphanies about ourselves.
A student wanted help reviewing her mid-term exam in order to ascertain why she received a low score. The exam was comprised of two sections – defining terms and short answers.
1. Defining terms – for each of the definitions, the student’s responses were indicated by the marker as not being sufficiently clear or complete. It was difficult to verify this without the original source from which a definition could be drawn. The student had one of her course books from which one of the terms was taken. Based on comparison, the student’s response was slightly off, even contradictory to the original definition.
2. Short Answers – for these, the student’s responses didn’t address the question. In reviewing the original questions, which were comprised of a number of parts, the student found it difficult to paraphrase. This indicated a partial lack of understanding of the original questions, and could explain why she couldn’t respond accurately.
The subject matter of the previous entry has, in many ways, to do with my current studies and writings on factors that silence people. These can take various forms, including the fear that one isn’t normal or ‘able’. I sensed that part of what caused this student’s discomfort in considering she might have a learning disability was the fear of what having one would entail. She claimed that the costs involved with being tested and diagnosed was a factor, and, indeed, these are legitimate; however, I felt there was more to these fears than mere financial; they also involved something more fundamental. It’s not an easy thing to accept what one may consider a personal weakness or defect. My only concern was whether I, in my suppositions, was too direct about advising her to seek help. In doing so, am I unnecessarily jumping to conclusions about this student’s condition? How do I know she truly has a learning disability? Maybe the way her test was designed and evaluated was the culprit? I don’t know. Also, I felt a distinct feeling I was championing the test, not the student: that I was unconsciously expecting her to ‘fit’ into the mould of ‘normal’ test taker. On the other hand, how do I help students succeed in this conventional and very real environment that treats everyone as if they all have the same skills, aptitude, and talents? Why should individuals be expected to ‘fit’ into the mould of idealism, instead of recognising that in our diverse ways of being and the circumstances within which we find ourselves, we are individually ideal? How do I reconcile the topics I’m engaged with in my studies, which are predicated on humanistic values with the bureaucratic, ‘banking’ methodologies of institutions I work for? It’s these dichotomies and contradictory circumstances that I find challenging to walk between.
A mature student who came in last week was looking for feedback on his thesis proposal. Having been in
Note: In early December, I was approached by a doctoral researcher who heard me speaking during a post-(film)screening Q & A at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, University of Toronto. He was interested in collecting stories of people who have felt marginalised in some way - for instance, through racism, sexism, or homophobia - during their childhood. Such stories, he explained, would serve as part of his research into childhood education. The following entry was the recollection I eventually submitted to him.
December 20, 2005
My experiences with racism and homophobia began early on in my childhood: to the time when I immigrated with my family to Canada. I was eight years old in 1973, when my parents believed in the prospects of starting life anew in an ostensibly prosperous country. Far from the political upheaval of the Philippines, our homeland, this move would, above all, ensure a future for my parents’ kids.
We arrived in Winnipeg in July, a few months prior to the start of a new school year. This allowed my three siblings and me a chance to settle into our predominantly Euro-Canadian, middle-class neighbourhood, where everyone looked at us with fascinated eyes: we were one of the first visible minorities many of our neighbours had ever seen. They seemed genuinely welcoming. Prior to my family’s arrival, my aunt and uncle, our immigration sponsors, had moved into the neighbourhood with their daughter some time before, having bought a home large enough to accommodate both families. We all spoke English (albeit with a discernible accent and peppered with the odd word or phrase more reminiscent of a textbook than the current vernacular); however, we were still foreigners.
These first few months are memorable because there was a lot for me to take in: the long, sunny days; the comparative cleanliness and orderliness of the city streets; the variety of delicious food (many of which were foreign to me); and the people. They were so expressive it seemed, so seemingly unafraid to strike up a conversation. As for me, I was terrified, for not only was I painfully shy and self-conscious, I was deathly afraid of making a mistake. Mistakes were not what a good, hard-working boy was supposed to fall prey to. He was to avoid them at any cost to prevent repercussions. This is what the nuns at the private school I’d attended in the Philippines had taught me. I must be perfect in all I set out to do. It was these impossibly high, self-imposed expectations that shaped my childhood years, standards that often induced such guilt as to render indistinguishable where my responsibility for a specific act began and ended and those of another. Had I been a more self-reflective child, I would have been able to discern between when to take responsibility for my actions and when not to; however, I was so determined to be accepted by my peers and to cultivate a sense of belonging that I often allowed other kids to bully me into submission, inadvertently taking advantage of me.
My first such encounter occurred in the school playground a few weeks after school started. Being shy, I had not yet made friends and so resorted to following my older sister around like a lost pup much to her chagrin. A blonde boy, who turned out be my classmate, approached and called me a ‘chink’. Not knowing what this meant, I didn’t even know that he was being offensive, although the vitriol in his voice and his overall demeanour were obvious enough to indicate this. “Why don’t you go back to China?” he yelled. I was flabbergasted. I knew what China was so was puzzled as to why he would want me to go back there. Wasn’t it evident that I came from the Philippines?
Another incident that involved this same boy and other male classmates had them threatening to beat me up because they had ascertained me to be gay. Again, not knowing what the word "faggot" meant at the time, I had only their tones of voice; hard, cold stares; and brusqueness to tell me I was in trouble. Being small and awkward, I knew I couldn’t outrun them. Intuitively, I knew there would be no point as there were too many of them, so I’d eventually be caught. As time passed, I learned to appease such bullies either through favours or humour. Quickly I became their minion, someone whose generosity and kindness they could take advantage of. New pencil crayons? Soon, the only one who wasn’t using them was me. What delicious-looking homemade cookies! I think I’ll have some, how about you, Michael? Sure, hand them over! And so Tom would, depriving himself altogether.
It didn’t help that the one area I had as an advantage over these boys was in academics. Indeed, the fact that our teacher heaped praises on my work and overall good behaviour served only to heighten their disdain for and plotting against me. Daily school life became fearful, not so much because I was constantly beaten up or teased but merely because of the ever-looming potential of being so. This constant fear of imminent violence—verbal or physical—led me to take comfort in Friday afternoons, relieved at the end of another week when I escaped unscathed. Subsequently, I loathed Sunday nights when the thought of a new week starting, sufficiently long to increase my chances of being harassed, became so repulsive as to compel me to make up any excuse not to go to school.
That first year in grade two was particularly difficult because in addition to coping with the fear of being violated, I was also contending with the transition into a new culture: the adjustment to a new diet, language, climate, lifestyle, and a different way of interacting with people. It was a transition that was to continue unfolding for the next five years, bringing with it an array of growth-inducing experiences. I found the adjustment from a strict private school environment where respect, discipline, and rule abidance were rigorously upheld to one where students were far freer to do and say as they wished regardless of consequences, particularly challenging. My perceptions, expectations, and standards were constantly being tested, realigned, and re-defined. Perhaps it would have been easier were I raised with an appreciation for new perspectives, an openness to new ways of seeing the world; however, as I was brought up in a traditional Catholic household, the incongruity of a faith based on absolutes and self-discipline and a culture where self expression and honesty were valued made maintaining equilibrium doubly difficult. This dichotomy and the effect it had on my youth were to stay with me for a very long time.
Junior high and high schools were perhaps the most difficult times because of the extent of the harassment I suffered. Also, whereas academics played a crucial role in elementary school because I excelled in it and could, therefore, take comfort in the way it distinguished me from my tormentors, the junior high and high school environments were ones where many of my tormentors equalled, if not bettered, me in achievement as well. My school life in general, therefore, seemed to go from bad to worse.
Attending an inner city junior high school exposed me to more danger. Throughout most of grade seven and eight, for instance, I was consistently harassed by a boy named Rodney who, one day, asked me to safely keep for him a wood working project he’d just completed in shops class. Given that he hadn’t a locker of his own, he had no way of doing this himself. Feeling ill and, therefore, not thinking straight, I agreed to, but not before realising that his project—a rather imposing plant stand—wouldn’t fit in my locker. Because Rodney, by that time, had already gone and with no one to help me store it, in addition to already running late, I left the plant stand by my homeroom class door, which was locked, hopeful that my homeroom teacher would discover it upon his return and kindly take it into the class. Well, the plant stand disappeared. Rodney, who was fairly transient, and who, therefore, rarely came to class, used this opportunity to hold me accountable for losing his plant stand. Remorseful, I agreed to reimburse him the cost of replacing it—50 cents—and duly paid him.
Rodney’s short-term memory, however, was apparently dysfunctional because for the next two years, he would demand 50 cents from me every time our paths occasionally crossed, accusing me of not having paid him for losing his plant stand in the first place, and dispute any argument contrary to his claims. He would threaten to have his friends gang up and beat me, adding that all Filipinos were deserving to be so treated because we were ‘a no good race’. In addition, he would make disparaging remarks about my sexuality, accusing me of being gay, thereby justifying his persecution. I took such threats very seriously, using my faith to take comfort in, praying on any given day that God ensure that my path doesn’t cross with Rodney’s. This appeal worked to a certain degree, though when it didn’t, I would, in terror, be forced to hand over another payment, which I was accused of having delayed. It was a humiliatingly desperate situation, one that I was too afraid to disclose to my teacher for fear of reprisals from Rodney. It, therefore, led me to appeal to my parents to send me to another school—with higher standards so I would be better challenged, I argued—to hopefully lessen the chances of meeting boys like Rodney. They didn’t question my rationale as it corroborated theirs, so I found myself applying to and being accepted in a private Catholic high school for boys where I lived out the rest of my high school days, for better or for worse.
Attending this private high school was a blessing in a way. Indeed, it did have higher academic standards. Accomplished and talented boys from across the city made up its population. Further, with a variety of extracurricular activities such as a highly successful and supported dramatic society that I was thrilled to join, I finally felt like I fit in after many years of feeling so uncomfortable in the other schools. With such high standards, however, came pressures and expectations that led me to question the school’s advantages. One was the highly competitive ethos, predicated on the school’s legacy for high achievement. For the multi-talented, this school was a godsend because it cultivated ambition in all fields. For those of modest talent, however, the pressure to succeed, indeed, to be like the truly great, was palpable and created a gulf between the highly intelligent and those who were only moderately so.
For me, such pressure was felt acutely in the field of sport, an area I neither excelled at nor had an interest in. As athletics was highly regarded at this school, however, to be inept and disinterested in all sport was anathema and led one to be scorned. As a result of my physical awkwardness, I was consistently chosen last when teams were formed. I was regularly sent far outfield where my weaknesses would pose the least threat to my team, but to which highly strategising opponent team members would hit the baseball knowing I’d either fail to catch it, or be afraid to even attempt to. Worst was the derision I was subjected to by team mates who blamed me—and others like me—for losing the game. Often this was accompanied by threats of physical harm or forewarning of impending doom. What made such attacks particularly affective was the implication that one was worthy of them because of one’s inherent lack of skill, not because one was unwilling to try or to improve. One was essentially being threatened for being who they were, not because they weren’t living up to their potential.
Such stultifying experiences were not exclusive to school life though this was where the majority took place. I remember once walking along a downtown street and having a moving truck slow down as it drove by. The driver yelled out “Hey! You’re a fucking Flip, aren’t you?” with such venom that it made me swoon with rage. Another incident involved an expressive teen waiting with me at a bus stop accuse me of being a faggot because I was wearing sandals that she deemed were for women and demanding that I remove them at once.
What all these experiences have in common was the way the threat of being violated was inescapable because it was predicated on who I was. My response, in turn, was to try and change myself in order to mollify or appeal to my tormentors. As my true self was robust and healthy enough to resist such an attempt, I would regularly end up being tormented anyway. Such conflict between my logical and intuitive selves would result in such despair as to leave me incapacitated. I would miss school, skip classes, turn in mediocre work in order not to show up the work of others, and take an alternate route home in order to avoid individuals. I was fortunate to have had a loving, wonderfully supportive family, so in this way, I was somewhat reassured; however, they weren’t privy to my deepest fears. Indeed, I would consistently obscure these behind a façade of plausible excuses or rationales because I didn’t want to be a disappointment to them. In the end, though, it took me a long time to accept myself and am currently vigilant about not allowing myself to be subjugated for the sake of others. Like much of life, it is a constant struggle.
I conferred with a student writing a letter of intent for graduate school. One of her remarks when outlining the challenges of writing this letter was the feeling of being undeserving of the opportunity to attend grad. school. Interestingly, much of how she felt rings true for many including me. My student didn’t tell me where this feeling originates, but it often affects the way she views herself. Indeed, when I pressed her further about why it was she felt undeserving, she claimed it was because of her uncertainty that someone else may be more deserving than she, and so she shouldn’t bother asking. Others like her express frustration over not being able to clearly and cogently write about their talents, skills, and accomplishments, underrepresenting or misrepresenting themselves. This is a particularly common affliction for people – feeling inferior – so I wondered how I could help others overcome it. My student and I made light of these feelings throughout our discussion, but there was no question these were ones she did battle with on a consistent basis. Throughout our discussion of her letter of intent, I became aware of my own patterns of feelings of superiority, and of how, in my position, I could be undermining this student’s ability to think for and express herself in writing because of her potential inclination to defer to me. I became aware of the choices of words I used to convey my message. Were these too strong, insidiously manipulative, or solicitous of her opinions? Did I truly allow her to voice them? These are questions to which I’m unsure what the answers are, and that I continue to explore in this profession.
I continued my consultation with this student the following day, reviewing her letter of intent, and targeting areas that needed clarification and substantiation. An interesting discussion developed out of our consultation, one premised on the term ‘faith’. The student was insistent on retaining the use of this word, though not in the context of how it is commonly understood; that is, as synonymous with the idea of religion and one which could be off-putting. Her interpretation of it was one of a solid trust in the eventual favourable outcome of a circumstance. We consulted a dictionary to ascertain the various meanings and uses of the term ‘faith’, and indeed, her use of it corroborated one of its definitions. When she was advised to consider the term ‘hope’ or ‘trust’, she felt these didn’t sufficiently capture the essence of the feeling she was trying to convey: the unshakeable, eternal feeling that all is or will be well with the world. 'Hope' and 'trust', in her mind, have a more tenuous feeling to them: one that connotes a finite existence that is untrustworthy in its uncertainty.
I finally finished my literature review and submitted it last night. In reflecting on the writing of it, I can’t help but remark on how long it took me to complete and to what I might attribute that. I suppose one reason might be my lack of experience in conducting research. There were times at the beginning of writing it, for instance, when I was including information that was too specific and not in compliance with the criteria of the review. Referring to reviews that had been written by others I was influenced not so much by the way they were written but by their formatting.
Nevertheless, I’m struck by how garrulous my writing is. I need to simplify my sentence construction so they’re more comprehensible to readers. In my performance evaluation at work, my boss ... remarked on this when pointing out areas in my work that I could improve. Specifically, identifying who my readers are and ensuring my writing is accessible to them is an important consideration. This will help to hone my writing style further, improving its overall quality. I hope to continue with this exercise as I carry on with my studies.
It’s been a couple of weeks since I found out that I won’t be working at OCAD for spring and summer. I was told that the decision not to hire a spring-summer employee is based on budgetary constraints.... Due to some misunderstanding about the status of my contract, I was only being paid at the classroom assistant salary scale, - approximately $16.00/hr - something I wasn’t even aware of. I hadn’t been reviewing my pay stubs regularly so didn’t notice this oversight. I felt rather stupid when ... informed ... of this error, though ... it could happen to anyone. I find those pay stubs difficult to interpret and understand. The College, therefore, owes me about $4000.00, which was automatically deposited into my bank account just last week. Alas, with income tax deductions, the amount came out to about $2800.00. It’s amazing the amount of money one can set aside in a matter of months. The difference, for instance, between the money I was supposed to have been making per hour as a Teaching Assistant and that of Class Assistant is roughly $6.00/hour. Multiplied by 18 hours per week and spread over 8 months, the sum is about $4000.00. Imagine if I could consciously save that much money per year. I’d certainly make more headway in reducing my debt than by merely earning more money, not that I’d want to forego on the opportunity to do so.
• Applying for a Millennium (Education) Scholarship
• Seeing if I might be able to defer my loans until such time as I finish my degree
• Seeking aid from friends (him, Audrey) and family in order to ease the financial burden.
October 4, 2006
The workshops I’ve started teaching at OCAD are called "The Essay and the Argument" and, as such, are supplemental to the seminars of the same name. Three groups of students have been identified based on placement tests conducted before the start of the semester. These categories are based on what have been judged as their academic writing needs:
1. Students who need help with mechanics (punctuation, spelling,
structure, etc)
2. ESL students who have been identified as needing help with grammar and word
usage.
3. Students who need help with developing their argumentative skills
(Rhetoric)
I teach one of the ESL workshops and thus far, one of the great challenges is working within the confining 30-minute time slot; disseminating information that is cohesive and comprehensible has been a particular challenge; however, I have found one way to address this challenge: I use the e-mail system at the College. I recently discovered that I can access a webpage in which I can send an e-mail to an entire class. I can also upload documents for students to access and print and students can e-mail me with their queries. This system has made administering the course more efficient. Challenges continue, but at least there are resources in place that I can take advantage of.
C. continues to be enjoyable, though the fact that it's a business is an obvious shortcoming. For instance, resources that I consider essential are still lacking. We haven't yet received a third computer in the office resulting in ... taking turns to use the only laptop. To compound this problem, an internet cable, which was finally installed today, was lacking for the longest time. Reception staff ... are often needed to attend to the affairs of the parent company ... across the street, which means phone inquiries in Japanese often have to be fielded by me .... This compromises comprehension and hence, professionalism. Having said this, I do enjoy working with the instructors...
October 15, 2006
The 30-minute-long ESL workshops at OCAD are, indeed, a challenge to teach; however, I am finding that the class - including me - collectively adjusts to the shorter time period. Generally, the approach I take is such:
1. I start the class on time by taking attendance. At the beginning of the semester, I reviewed the attendance policy with students, so they're well aware of what's expected of them. Tardiness and unexcused absences are not tolerated and could affect final grades, so students are aware of repercussions should they breach policies. Of course, if they have a doctor's note, then an absence is considered excused.
2. I solicit questions - generally on what issues/problems posed challenges for students in a given week. Once we agree on a topic that is of interest to all in the class, we directly address this. Despite the constraints the short time results in, I still try to make this as interactive a learning experience for all; however, it's admittedly challenging.
3. Given that 30 minutes aren't enough to provide comprehensive information, I have the option of mass e-mailing the class - the institution's e-technology permits this and other options - and passing on more resources if necessary.
I'm fortunate I have tutoring experience - in addition to doing a Master's - that have helped me accumulate a repertoire of information on and approaches to topics as diverse as how to read, think, and write critically; the writing process; how to incorporate researched information into one's own body of work; how to cite resources; and how to develop one's vocabulary. Having such information readily available means I can talk about such topics comfortably and knowledgeably. This advantage makes all the difference in delivering effective lessons within a short period of time.
During a meeting with ESL teachers, the Dean of Liberal Studies spoke of the constraints budgetary cutbacks have had on the faculty. This affects, for instance, the amount of photocopying we can do, though we have addressed this issue by simply relying more on current technology in order to disseminate information. And actually, I think it makes us more efficient, less wasteful. Nevertheless, the constraints are evident, compelling us to perpetually look for creative, less comsumptive ways to be more effective in planning and delivering our lessons. As for the workshops themselves, everyone recognises now (after a few "check-in" meetings on the matter) how 30 minutes simply isn't enough time in which to conduct them. The Dean has reviewed her budget and there's now talk of extending the workshops to an hour in the next semester. So yes there are challenges but what I appreciate about working in an institution like OCAD is that there is the opportunity to discuss and address issues, an opportunity that doesn't necessarily exist at all institutions.
December 8, 2006
I applied for and managed to get an interview to teach a TESL course at Seneca College last week. Given that I haven't a TESL background and that the interview was set up to address TESL-related issues, I started reading up on some of the basics of TESL including sociolinguistics and intercultural communications and how these affect TESL. As the interview progressed, however, it became painfully evident to both parties that I was out of my league when it comes to teaching TESL. Indeed, Seneca's TESL program underscores a theoretical perspective on TESL as well as Applied Linguistics, neither of which I have any knowledge in. The terminology I was grilled on was mind-boggling, so I saved myself the continued embarrassment and terminated the interview myself. Actually, it wasn't as bad as it sounds ... The interviewer, was very gracious throughout and kept bringing up the positive aspects of my experience and credentials. In truth, however, I'm not qualified to teach a TESL class and would feel unconscionable about doing so even if I were offered the position. So I came away disappointed but relieved that the process was over - it had been an anxiety-ridden weekend as I scrambled to prepare for the interview - and that I now understand where the parameters of my experience and training lie.
I've just finished my first term as TA for this new workshop at OCAD, and I must say, despite its limitations, it was viewed positively by most students who attended. Of course, many cited in the mid-term evaluation I conducted with them the shortness of the workshop time as their biggest drawback. Surprisingly, there was little else to complain about. Many students really appreciated the general structure of the workshop and how it was taught. This is great news, indeed, for one never knows how these pilot programs will turn out. We're still hoping for longer slots, but so far, there's still no word.
December 15, 2006
It’s been a fairly quiet week. I met ... on Monday to discuss my evaluation, which turned out to be very good. He provided some advice/feedback on how to encourage students to do their homework as well as how to encourage them to sit closer to the front. Apart from these issues, however, there was nothing more he touched on apart from praising my good work and indicating that I was the best person for the job of teaching ESL students.
I’ve completed the first draft of my research project proposal and submitted it for ... review. At the time, I was quite unsure about the nature of the project and how to conduct it, but when, on receiving the draft back ... I was delighted to discover [a summary of ] the type of research approach I would be taking. [This was done] by asking specific questions about my project in order to help me clarify in my own mind what I intended to do. It’s really great to have that ‘objective’ feedback; when someone who has the ‘distance’ from a piece of writing to be able to critique it by asking relevant questions of the writer. This helps me proceed with more confidence. I’ve realized that what my proposal entails is to conduct an action research project with my students. The characteristics that set Action Research apart from other forms of research include:
- the researcher serves as facilitator for problem solving and catalyst between research findings and those individuals most likely to benefit/take action from the findings
- the results of research are intended for immediate application by those engaged in research/by those for whom the research was initiate
- the design of action research formulated while the research is in progress, rather than being totally pre-determined at onset of study
Action Research differs from conventional methods in the following ways:
- its purpose is to obtain knowledge that can be applied directly to a particular situation (eg. class, school, social agency, community)
- the research problem emerges from events that are disturbing the researcher (ie: efficiency of a teaching method/local pollution problems in the community)
- the problem is stated generally; hypotheses are seldom used
- secondary sources of literature, rather than primary sources, are used extensively; the researcher simply wants an idea about the phenomenon being studied
- the participants are not systematically sampled or selected; they are part of a natural ‘flow’ of human activity
- the procedures for conducting research are only planned generally at the beginning of a study and are altered as needed throughout the course of investigation
- little attention is given to control or experimental conditions in conducting the study
This allays much of my fears about the project proposal as I needed this clarification prior to proceeding with its completion. I also just discovered that I need to submit the Research Ethics Board application form in order to obtain approval for conducting research with live human subjects before I can proceed. The due date for this application is January 16, 2007 , leaving me little time to complete this application. With all that’s going on in my life right now, including getting the apartment hallway painted, preparing for the Christmas Party next weekend, marking 100 assignments for my OCAD students, and preparing to head off next weekend, it seems rather overwhelming. What seems to keep me sane is knowing that I need only proceed with purpose and diligence. The rest will fall into place. This is a lesson I’ve been applying lately. For instance, I envision certain ideas in my head and expect that they will manifest at a specific time. When they don’t, I don’t get upset as I would have in the past. I’ve learned to simply accept the situation as it is knowing that my vision will eventually come about when the time is right. This seems clichéd but past experience has taught me it is so.
December 20, 2006
It’s a strange feeling, this indecisiveness on my part to concentrate on urgent tasks. I’m still feeling apprehensive about carrying on with my master’s AE520 project. I had intended on starting it this morning, but I’ve yet to do so. I think the anxiety stems from not being completely sure about what to do in addition to the process being – in my perception – quite involved. In addition, I also have other pressing issues to attend to, including marking my OCAD students’ assignments, working on a plan for the OCAD EAD course, and thinking about how to market our programs/courses at C.. It’s interesting how all these tasks and their urgency create debilitating anxiety that curtails interest in carrying them out, compounded by the guilt of not doing so. I’m not sure if I’ll feel differently in the next few hours of whether I’ll still feel resistant to the whole exercise, but I don’t think I can continue to defer these tasks much longer. I think part of the issue for me is that I’m in a different head space now. I’m ready for a break and I can’t seem to shake the nagging pressure to get on with things despite my true desire not to attend to these tasks. I don’t feel like being responsible at the moment. I want to spend my time in the way I want to, not in the way I feel obligated to.
January 11, 2007
I sent L. a draft of my REB form for her feedback and she challenged me on a number of issues. The main issue she had was the weakness of the links between the research problem and the method in obtaining the data from students, which brings up ethical issues related to interviewing and disseminating the results. Also, there is the issue of whether the proposed interviews would actually help to ascertain the problems that need addressing.
L. came up with a few suggestions for what I may want to focus on. She suggested:
1. implementing self-directed learning approaches (go to Roger Hiemstra’s site)
2. asking students interested in participating in increasing SDL by coming up with SDL tools they can use
3. go to international/immigrant students, find out background on their experience with SDL (what worked for them, what did they like about it, incidents where they learned things on their own; what tools did they use; how they felt at the end of it) of self-directedness, which could act as a needs assessment of students. I could encorporate the views of other teachers, my own observations of students and journal writing
I have opted for #3 as it is the closest to my original proposal and seems the least ethically contentious. Of course, the notion of SDL could become an issue with adult immigrant and international students as it is based on a Western understanding of this approach; however, referring to established protocols when designing my interview questions could prove helpful. I e-mailed Roger Hiemstra to receive feedback on my proposal. I outlined that I am interested in finding out about how much SDL my students, comprised mainly of post-secondary adult immigrant and international students, have been exposed to if any. If so, I'd like to know about - for instance – specific incidents where they learned things on their own; what worked for them; what they liked about it; what tools they used; and how they felt at the end of the experience. I believe that the challenges that stem from obtaining this information include developing a proper data collecting technique that is both ethical and that reflects students' true (or as close to this as possible) experiences as well as other techniques of which I currently may not even be aware. I indicated that I am interested in this because I teach students about the academic writing process and would like to help them increase their level of self-direction or independence for the purpose of improving their writing skills.
Hiemstra’s response was prompt and encouraging:
I think your idea is great and certainly encourage you to pursue it. I would recommend that you "adapt" Allan Tough original protocol. It has received so much attention, use, and reporting in the literature that I think its "relevance" would be appropriate. Obviously, if you have an "advisor" there, you could check out my beliefs. For some reason that I have not clearly understood, in some professional conferences in the past I have heard some people (primarily Canadians) suggest that Allan's work does not contain the rigor they expect. I have long been a user and proponent of qualitative research and interviewing, have talked with Allan about his research on many occasions, have used his protocol in my own research, and have had a number of my students use his protocol. Here is a link to his
work that may be helpful: http://www-distance.syr.edu/foundations.html#la5
I also like your idea of having learners supplement the data collection process by keeping diaries or journals. There actually is some precedence for this as one of the persons many years ago who used Allan's protocol also supplemented it with diary writing.
So I think I will try and take the approach of determining my students’ past experience with SDL. L. supports me on it, and as long as I can have another opportunity to discuss the specifics with her, which in turn can help me revise my REB form, it seems a feasible and interesting project to engage in.
January 12, 2007
I spoke with L. this morning in order to follow up on the project ideas percolating in me over the last couple of days. She thinks that my plan to interview adult immigrant and international students of their SDL experience is a good one. I provided a rationale for this project and what benefit it would have for this group of students. I indicated that, based on my literature review, I have questions about:
- the characteristics of SDL, which are grounded in a Western perspective; these emphasize the individual, values assertiveness and self-initiative, and active (versus passive) participation
- given these characteristics, would SDL, therefore, be feasible for adult immigrant and international students to practise?
- based on my experience as instructor of adult immigrant and international students, I feel many are amenable to learning how to become more self-directed, particularly for the purpose of having their individual voices heard through discussion-based activities and by working collaboratively with others
- this knowledge would benefit adult education as a whole because to foster SDL skills in adult immigrant and international students facilitates learning more about their culture’s learning conventions. This knowledge, in turn, could provide the insight needed to obtain or create the appropriate lessons or resources these students could readily use.
- an added benefit would be the assurance for adult immigrant and international students that the possession of specific skills prior to studying in Canada is not necessary in order to succeed; the goal rather is to discover the learning traditions and cultural influences in which students grew up in order to ascertain, gather, and/or create the most appropriate methods and resources that would supplement or enhance these; for many of these students, this knowledge absolves them of the guilt that often results in not having specific skills prior to studying in Canada and instead places the emphasis on the possibilities and joy involved in learning about specific learning processes individually as well as collectively
Part of what I appreciate about talking these ideas through with L. is the clarity with which she’s able to explain things to me. She has an ability to articulate my ideas and present them back to me in a more coherent way. Her main message, in light of presumptions I have about this project, is to make it as simple as possible. In the context of the REB form, she advised me not to include information that isn’t necessary to include because extraneous information will leave my application vulnerable to being questioned, especially in light of ethical issues.
January 17, 2007
Yes, it's true there are times when I question why I make all this effort when professional prospects seem non-existent; however, I believe this effort does pay off in the end, especially in giving one a sense of accomplishment, regardless of whether it's acknowledged or not. Indeed, when I first started this degree, I was so interested in this area of education that I resolved to finish it no matter what came of it. Despite feeling desperate at times, I ultimately can't complain. I'm making good progress and I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I've been conversing with L. over the phone of late, which is a form of communication I’m finding more effective than e-mail not only because of its immediacy, but also because I’m able to digest spoken words more than written ones. I think having a context, which I think is necessary for me to full understand concepts/ideas and which is one characteristic of conversation, is superior to e-mailing. We've been discussing my current project, which involves interviewing some of my ESL students and colleagues at OCAD. The ethics board application form I must submit is so extensive, it makes my head spin. I started working on it at the beginning of December hoping to make the January 16th deadline, but don't think I can manage it. Working with live human subjects involves many factors that one doesn't easily realise at the outset but which, nonetheless, must be accounted for; it's quite an interesting process actually. I've just sent L. my second draft of the form, which I'm hoping she'll sign off on so I can submit it to the Research Ethics Board; however, I'm not holding my breath. She advised me not to fret about this too much as the board meets once a month, so if my application doesn't make it for this month's meeting, there's always February. Still, I’m anxious, because the REB apparently takes a month to process applications, potentially taking mine into March. With the school year ending in April, I wouldn't have a lot of time to conduct my project, so I hope thatmy application doesn't need major changes at this point. This way, its processing can be expedited.
In a recent e-mail, my friend ... suggested I explore the area of adult education upgrading, which many continuing education programs run. I think this is a good idea and one I have also been looking into this. Indeed, this could be a nice alternative to TESL in general, should OCAD not come through for me. I've been perusing the federal government websites to see what postings there are; so far, nothing yet. There's also the option of going back to teach in the public school system. I know it's something I'd rather not to do as I prefer teaching adults; however, if there was the option of teaching high school English or Academic writing, I'd welcome it. Besides, such positions are secure, they have a pension plan, benefits, and (lengthy) paid holidays. At this stage, I'm so tired of feeling insecure about the positions I've had over the last three years, I'm willing to explore options that have a sense of permanency to them. Ideally, however, my hope is to get a tenured position at a university.
Having said this, there is hope of OCAD expanding my hours. In fact, I just received an e-mail from the Dean of Liberal Studies inquiring about faculty/staff availability for the spring-summer terms; so there are prospects there for me. Also, my recent work with the Dean will hopefully keep me in the forefront of her mind. I wait with bated breath.
January 19, 2007
My studies are going well. I'm now consulting with my advisor on an application form to do my research project, which involves interviewing some of my students and colleagues about their way of learning. It is her job to advise me on whether this application is in order before I can submit it to a board. There's an application process involved with this project because when working with human subjects, one has to ensure that interview questions and the way the interview is conducted is ethical and subjects don't feel as if you have any power over them. This is particularly relevant because I will be interviewing my own students, so I must reassure them that their participation will not affect the way I grade them in their course. Outlining my process in the (ethics) application form is challenging because if the research ethics board feels there is any weakness in my plan, they will not approve of my project until I revise the form. I'm anxious because the research ethics board meets only once a month to decide on these application forms, so if I don't get this application in this month, I have to wait until February's meeting. This will delay my project significantly because it can take up to four weeks for the board to make a decision. As the school term ends in April, I may not be able to conduct my project intil March, which is very close to the end of term. Anyway, there's not much I can do about it but wait until my advisor gets back to me about the second draft of the application form I sent her. Regardless of potential setbacks, I'm feeling happy about my progress because my advisor indicated that this project can be the lead in to my final thesis. This means that what I thought was a much longer process needn't be that long. Completing the degree, therefore, is a lot closer than I'd originally anticipated. If all goes well, I'll be able to finish within the next 9 months, which is very reassuring and exciting.
February 6, 2007
The interview I intend to conduct with my students is part of my research project. As my interest is in the area of self-directed learning, my project intends to ask between 3-5 students and the same number of instructors about the way they (or their students) learn, and specifically, whether they have ever directed their own (or observed their students direct their own) learning. This may have happened outside of the formal learning context and in whatever field the student's interest lies. Any information I obtain from these interviews will then be used to draw conclusions about the learning process of adult immigrant and international students, and more importantly, to help in the design and implementation of appropriate learning resources and materials for them; despite the latter extending beyond the scope of the project, it will be informed by it. I completed and submitted my Research and Ethics Board Application Form a week and a half ago and am now waiting to hear back from the Board. As it isn't meeting until Feb. 21st (it meets once a month to review graduate applications), and as I can't even proceed to prepare for it until I'm given the go-ahead (indeed, my application could still be declined in which case I would have to re-submit another form), I have plenty of time to prepare for the next phase of the degree. This involves critically assessing and reporting on every project I've engaged in thus far and how they reflect the way I learn.
Currently, I'm reviewing my past work, particularly the journal I've been keeping since I started the degree three years ago, in order to inform this new project. In preparing for this next phase, I reflect on my attitudes to and experiences with learning. In the last few years, for instance, I've noticed a consistent pattern of fear and trepidation at the start of a new project, probably attributable to a lack of focus, clarity, or understanding about its requirements. This is usually followed by a gradual ease as I become more comfortable with the project's evolution. As I continue asking myself critical questions about my purpose for it, revising, and even starting again, the project starts to take shape and the ideas reveal themselves. I've, therefore, learned to be patient with my own way of learning, yet use the tension that results from fears and anxieties as tools that propel me forward. In this way, I've become more self-accepting and relaxed about my progress.
February 27, 2007
Despite expecting the Research Ethics Board to take a month to decide about my submission, it took them less than a day and I was sent their response. They didn't accept my intial proposal because of the kind of participants I was enlisting and the information on my forms. The participants are current students so the concern was whether the marks I assigned them could be used to influence their decision to participate in the project. These issues are minor, however, and with a few changes on the REB form, I should be able to get approval quickly.
While I'm waiting for my REB application to be reviewed, I've gone ahead to the next phase of the program, which involves reviewing and reflecting on the past three phases. Doing so ostensibly prepares one for writing the upcoming phase - the research project report - as well as the final thesis. In preparing for this phase, I've had to review my journals and past writing; it's interesting what reviewing my past notes, and particularly my journal, reveals about myself. Musings I'd entered a year ago and have since forgotten about are refreshing reads now that I have the perspective time and experience offer. At the time they were written, some of these musings were rife with raw emotion, particularly fear. This is one of the most interesting aspects of doing this degree: it has really tested my coping skills, not just from an intellectual context but from simply experiencing life. There's no question, for instance, that re-locating to a larger city as a single person, not having a well-paying job, doing this degree, and having to juggle financial responsibilities has been one of the most challenging experiences I've ever had. Part of me is grateful for how such experiences have made me a stronger person, but honestly, I wish I never had to go through any of it. Also, I question whether such experiences make one truly stronger or whether they just make one harder, more inscrutable, and less sensitive. I wonder sometimes.
I sometimes feel impatient with myself when learning new things. I think that such a feeling is largely ego driven, instilled in us by social upbringing or the pressure not to be ignorant. We're expected to know everything, or at least not to admit we don't know as doing so would admit weakness. I'm learning, however, that we can't all be experts no matter how much I delude myself into presuming that. Indeed, experience has taught me that there's always something new to learn and that ultimately, the learning process never ends unless one stops being interested in all that life has to offer. As I never tire of finding new interests, then there's no reason why I should tire of learning either. This, in part, is what doing this degree has taught me.
March 16, 2007
This week has been particularly trying and I've lost almost all patience with my circumstances. On Tuesday, for instance, my usual study day turned out to be very full as I ended up subbing for a colleague at OCAD. I didn't mind this as I like teaching classes other than my own, and I'm always curious to see what other instructors are doing with them. Subbing for someone else also means the favour will be eventually returned in kind, which should come in handy as G. and I are planning to go to New York during the Easter Long Weekend, and Easter Monday isn't recognised as a statutory holiday at OCAD. Along with errands and other appointments, Tuesday turned out to be fuller than anticipated, leaving me no time to study whatsoever. As this is the only study day during the week, the loss impacted on my schedule significantly. It wasn't the loss of time, however, that upset me as what happened later that evening. On advice from the Help Desk at OCAD, to whom I sought help to configure my laptop to receive on-campus wireless internet access, I downloaded crucial Windows updates from the World Wide Web. Well, the next morning, when I turned my laptop on, I discovered that it wouldn't boot. When I contacted the computer repair shop across the street about the issue, I was told that the Windows software had probably been corrupted as a result of the download. Naturally, I had to take the laptop in to be repaired, but what this entailed is a complete re-loading of the Windows system, essentially wiping out all the software programs that had been installed and necessitating re-installation. The time lost in doing this, in addition to extra costs that I can't really afford right now, means setbacks that compound the time I've already lost. As a result, I've been quite short tempered the last day or so, which led me to reflect on the impact of the temporary loss of this particular technology and what it means to me.
I take for granted having access to my computer, the World Wide Web, my website, etc on a daily basis. It's become a part of me, something that reassures, that provides security. When I'm without it for too long, then I start to have withdrawal symptoms: anxiety and a slight feeling of desperation. This isn't good. I need to practice a level of detachment that allows me to function without these external trappings; however, it's hard.
I just found out this morning that my contract at OCAD wasn't extended for the spring/summer term. It's not such a big setback because I didn't have too many hours with them this past year; however, it's losing that proverbial "foot in the door" that concerns me. The Dean assured me that there will be more positions available in the fall again so to not lose touch; however, I can't help but feel dismissed. I realize that this predicament reflects today’s reality, but I feel resentful because not re-hiring me feels like administrators are only looking at credentials, not experience or quality of instruction, when filling positions. My evaluations have been consistently strong together with verbal affirmations from students and colleagues, so I can't imagine there being other reasons for why I wasn't re-hired.
March 20, 2007
It’s been interesting observing my OCAD students over the last term in the context of self-directed learning. Given that they’re all adult immigrant or international students, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how interactive many have been during our workshops. As I teach 5 of these, not one of them attended by all registered in the course, I appreciate the ones who do come on a regular basis for their genuine earnestness to learn about the academic writing process. This earnestness has manifested itself in the frequency and kinds of questions the students have posed as well as their pro-activeness in consulting with me about their essays on an individual basis. Given how these students come from cultures typically used to a teacher-centered approach to learning, I’m delighted to see how well many have responded to a more student-centered one. In this way, I don’t think their responses are different from those of students educated largely in Canada. What I see as the common thread is how students, regardless of educational and cultural background, appreciate being given a formula for problem-solving. What could be an effective approach, for instance, is providing students a template on the kind of essay style being taught, one that consists of key questions students may ask themselves that reflect the essential elements a particular essay ought to contain. Providing a template or list of questions rather than a list of answers, facilitates generating responses that reflect individual thought or vision rather than those that reflect a standard formula. At this point, I’m not sure if my premise is accurate, but with each template I provide, I have, thus far, been able to guide students through a process of writing. I’ll carry on further with this approach and see where it takes me.
May 23, 2007
At this stage, I've completed the interview and transcription portions of the project and I'm now preparing to write my final report. The whole process has proceeded fairly smoothly, with few constraints. All of my interviewees have been happy to participate in the project and I've enjoyed learning about their SDL experiences. The transcriptions have, thus far, been the most time-consuming part of the project with each taking about two to three hours because of all the rewinding and typing involved. Based on the transcriptions, a picture is emerging of SDL in the context of adult immigrant and international students and it's a positive one. Consistent with the experiences of these students and their instructors, SDL seems something that students are receptive to. Indeed, SDL pre-figures many of their learning experiences although most may not be aware of it. Having it formally labelled as SDL surprises many students. This isn't surprising as most people who engage in any kind of SDL, don't necessarily regard it as "legitimate" learning, especially when it takes place outside of a classroom. It is only when I explain its various forms and contexts that people can see it as a valid form of learning. I'm happy that these results demonstrate consistency, because the aim of the project is to come up with an hypothesis about the feasibility of implementing a SDL approach in E.S.L. classes. It is this hypothesis that can then be tested to see if resources can later be acquired or developed specifically for adult immigrants and
international students.
September 19, 2007
Discussion is a great way to learn because of its collaborative nature and potential to generate great ideas. I think it's so much better than learning in perpetual isolation and also exposes one to alternate perspectives. Having a partner to work with to discuss topics presents them in a new light, making them more interesting. One of the things I enjoy about collaborative learning is the coming together of like-minded individuals of different cultural backgrounds that result in enlightening discussions and revelations. Praxis, after all, is one of the best learning tools I know of.
I continue to question my own critical thinking skills. But like everything else, continued practice hones those skills, so engaging in journal writing - and corresponding to me, as far as I'm concerned, counts as this - is a great opportunity to practise critical thinking skills. Sometimes engaging with others with whom one shares common interests and activities, even in a virtual world, is better than having to cope with the inanities of the real one. However, it's still important to maintain a balanced life: equal measures of academic, professional and personal pursuits. I feel grateful to be living in a city large enough to have options, but in many ways, I don't always have the time or the inclination to take advantage of these.
Things are going well enough for me. I'm back at OCAD this term, which meant I could present my research project results to the Dean of Liberal Studies, staff of the Writing & Learning Centre, and one of the Assistant Deans. It was well received and generated much discussion. I spent one feverish weekend preparing for it, fearing I'd have a memory lapse, but in the end I was able to sufficiently articulate all that I needed to. Now that that the presentation is behind me, I've been focusing on finishing the first draft of my reflective piece (the second last phase of the program before the thesis) and hope to submit a copy within the next week. It's been a pleasure to engage in this kind of (right-brain) writing, but it's been difficult as well for the same reasons as journal writing: I don't know if my musings are substantial and insightful enough. However, I'm fortunate I kept copious journal notes throughout this program because I have a lot of information to draw from. Indeed, the challenge here is not to exceed the 50-page maximum limit.
October 28, 2007
Depth of analysis is something that takes a lot of reflective thinking, re-thinking, and experience to become competent at. I also think it requires one to be widely read. For instance, I just finished a critical essay (a book, actually) on photography by Susan Sontag, which was so interesting and thought-provoking, I couldn't put it down. Substantiating her arguments with references to everyone from Hardy to Proust to Cartier-Bresson to Arbus to Antonioni, she took a highly comprehensive view of how photography has affected the modern - mainly Western - age. She does touch on China and its attitudes on photography, which was interesting and, given how this book was written in 1973, highly prescient.
I'm happy my research project presentation went well. I got an e-mail from C. of the Writing & Learning Centre the other day saying how the research report has inspired her and R. to plan a PD session for class assistants, tutors and instructors on my topic, Self-Directed Learning. It's affirming and exciting to know that my work can actually provoke thought and action. But I'm also grateful for the opportunity to present it in the first place.
I'm essentially teaching the same course at OCAD - an academic writing workshop - as last year. I complained about the half-hour long workshops? It's the same ones, now extended to a full hour, which we're all happy about. Even though I'm only teaching there two hours a week, I'm happy with my schedule because it allows me virtually two full days a week in which to study/write. And the students, as usual, are wonderful. They're generally engaged and self-initiating.
I've finally started my thesis after recently completing, submitting and having my penultimate paper - a reflective piece - favourably evaluated. I'm a bit nervous about how involved it will be, but L. has been consistently supportive and responsive, so I feel assured in another way. On the other hand, given its scope, I'll be hunkering down for the next few months.
December 16, 2007
My contract at C. isn't being renewed after December, so I'm now scrambling to find work for January. I've got so many bills that I can't afford not to be working for too long. G. and I are making contingency plans just in case I can't find anything right away, but not surprisingly, it's causing me a bit of anxiety. In the meantime, I've got some casual work with one of the U of T admin. offices. and I still have my students at C. who want to continue with me. Despite my worries, however, I'm looking forward to having time off to focus on my thesis, which I hope to have a first draft of by mid-January in time for a May graduation. Turn around time for second reader feedback and other administrations is slow, so I'd like to do my part to expedite the whole process.
My thesis topic is based on my research project: Can adult immigrant and international students adopt self-directed learning skills? Its goal is to place my research project within the literature of my topic and ask how my project contributes to, challenges, or affirms the literature and the adult education field. I have the general structure already completed, pieced together from my literature review, research report, reflective paper, and journal. So now I'm working on fleshing out the generalities by providing details, updating the literature review section with more current, relevant works and streamlining and simplifying for intelligibility. One of the challenges has been allocating time for reading and writing and discerning when to stop reading; I'd read forever if I had my way. I've already submitted part of one chapter to the Writing Centre at St. FX and have received good feedback. However, I have to work on strengthening my references and improving punctuation skills (especially my use of the comma!).
I'm not finding it too hard to stay on top of things. I have all my documents organized in separate folders in my computer (with back-up copies, of course). I'm able to review e-copies of short documents but not longer ones. I can't keep track of all the information that's been scrolled up, so once in a while I print off a hard copy to review. Excluding appendices, my thesis should be around 75-100 pages long.
This weekend, much of Ontario is being walloped by a heavy snow storm; it's expected to dump close to 30 cm of snow on the GTA. As I write, I'm looking out the window and am immediately reminded of winters in Winnipeg.
G. is doing well with his studies, though he's finding it a bit angst-ridden at times. It's not that he finds the materials overly challenging, but he is finding it hard to make the transition back to academic life. Having said that, he doesn't regret his decision to go back to school. He's finding his advisor largely helpful and his classmates engaging and impressive. He does feel the age gap between them and him, however. Because we're both in similar circumstances, we're pretty understanding about and accommodating of each other's priorities, though I think I'm a bit more conscientious about maintaining domestic chores than he is. At times, this difference has caused friction, but on the whole, we've adjusted well. We're both looking forward to time off over the holidays and are headed to Winnipeg to spend Christmas with my family. I'll be going for a week and G. for three days. He's got to get back to his studies sooner than me but is looking forward to seeing my family again.
February 15, 2008
After 4 months of writing, I finally submitted the first draft of my thesis last week. I feel both elated and numb as I adjust to a less intense work/study schedule. Its funny to be feeling this way because I feel simultaneously torn between not wanting to do anything and the need to do more. I guess it's related to a desire for purpose in one's daily life. I want to relax for the next week while my thesis is being reviewed since I've been working flat out on it the last while. But then I feel guilty about taking too much time off. Uggh! These dilemmas can be so debilitating. Anyway, I think what I'll do is take it easy for the next few days and then start the job search process. I have a few books I'd like to finish reading, I'd like to update my website and revise my resume. Perhaps these small projects can act as both my objectives and motivators.
I briefly surfed the web and saw a couple of interesting programs related to adult education in the fields of community development or educational administration. Part of my consideration involves choosing fields that have high professional prospects, because I increasingly feel discouraged by the current hiring practices at the post-secondary level; permanent contracts are becoming a thing of the past. Everything, including teaching positions, is being outsourced, so I don't feel that the field is very secure. Anyway, I'll wait how things pan out professionally over the next few months. Now that my time is somewhat free, I can focus fully on job search.
February 22, 2008
L's taken only a week to review the first draft of my thesis, which is amazing considering it’s 150 pages long. I’m much relieved to learn that I’m on the right track and that the revisions I need to make, though involved, are straightforward. At this stage, I will re-focus on the thesis and defer the job search until such time as I can submit a second draft. Below are L.’s remarks about my first draft:
Wow, you are off to an amazing start. I am very impressed with your energy and your work. I have written on your document so you can see my points. The first draft (I will use this numbering so I know) is usually pretty busy so please do not be put off.
My comments are:
1. you need literature in chapter 2 on the adult esl and immigrant students. Most of chapter 2 is on SDL and you need more on the population.You do include research literature in chapter 3. The only missing piece is your particular aspect--esl with immigrants. You also need information on interviews since that is how you did your data collection.
2. You need to think about the AR part of this research. I am not as convinced as you of this dimension and you need to convince me and your readers. You need to find out exactly why this is AR and what you are changing in doing this project. That is the AR part.
3. You need to tighten chapter 4 by making sure almost all pars have references and specific references to your project. This strategy will help you focus on adding to, refining, or refuting the literature. I am attaching a sample thesis for you (not for circulation)
4. In adding literature on your population you will then have more literature to discuss in chapter 4 about your population.
5. Think about your appendix. Do you need all of this? What is essential?
6. In every instance do a reference check.
7. I encourage you to think a bit more about the identification of schools, faculties, etc. It challenges the notion of anonymity and confidentiality.
I hope this is helpful. I do think you are off to a great start and I am encouraged by your care and industry. Have a good weekend. L.
I am buoyed by her encouragement and feel affirmed by her insights. However, part of me wishes that this process would end so I can get on with life. But this is just the impatient part of me coming through. In the end, doing the best job I can, is most important to me.
May 15, 2008
Finishing my thesis has been my priority the last couple of months and I have recently submitted my second draft. I'm now waiting for L.'s feedback, which could take as long as a month. The exercise has taken me a while to complete, so all hope of a spring graduation is dashed. However, there have been opportunities in other areas, primarily professional.
In April, I got a full-time job (actually 13 weeks for now) with Kids Help Phone, a non-profit group providing 24-hour anonymous counselling to youth. As Content Writer, I'm one of three researchers writing lit. reviews on topics such as violence, teen pregnancy, STI's used to inform counselors and update website content. The nature of the work provides a lot of flexibility: I have meetings on-site once a week. Otherwise I can work elsewhere as long as I put in a 35-hour week.
Additional work searches have resulted in a couple of interesting adult education programs in the context of community development or educational administration. Part of my consideration involves choosing fields that have high professional prospects, because I increasingly feel discouraged by the current hiring practices at the post-secondary level; permanent contracts are becoming a thing of the past. Everything, including teaching services, is being outsourced these days, so I don't feel that the field provides much job security. Anyway, I'll wait how things pan out professionally over the next few months. Now that my time is somewhat free, I can focus fully on job search.
I'm looking forward to doing doctoral work in the future. This decision has been partially influenced by the people in my writing group. A colleague at OCAD had proposed forming it last summer. There are 5 of us, most of whom are at the dissertation stage of their doctoral programs. I'm the sole undergrad. A cursory review of different university web sites reveals programs of interest. I may carry on with adult ed., or with general education. There's also social work, but this depends on how many credits I can carry over without having to take pre-requisite courses.
I recently got a gig volunteer teaching at the International Centre for Students at the U of T. I'd approached the director of the English conversation program with the idea of teaching academic writing there a few months ago and although the centre's focus is conversation, response for an academic writing course was overwhelming, so they decided to offer it. I have 10 students and 6 more on a waiting list. The course is offered 2 hours (once) a week for 10 weeks, but depending on how my work schedule for Kids Help Phone works out, I may volunteer to teach it twice a week to accommodate those on the waiting list.
July 26, 2008
It's been a very busy summer for me, what with three jobs - at times, four - and my thesis still looming, multi-tasking has been the operative word.
My job at Kids' Help Phone ended last week when submitted my last literature review for the project. My two-week student-advising contract at OCAD has also ended, so I'm now maintaining private English lessons at home and working on the fourth draft of my thesis. I really wish my contract at KHP could have been extended, but unfortunately, administrative issues have made that impossible for the moment. My boss there indicated that as soon as the transition period is over, they do intend to re-hire me. However, it's back to job searching again.
Furthermore, I don't think I'll be re-hired back at OCAD this fall because I've reached the three-year maximum on my TA status; the only position I qualify to apply to is lecturer. However, because I still don't have my master's in-hand (as they require), chances of being re-hired, despite my teaching qualifications, years of teaching experience, and solid performance evaluations, are low.
Needless to say, I feel rather de-moralized at the moment, not only because being passed over for others who are probably less qualified as teachers is dispiriting, but because my monthly bills keep mounting. I'm trying to maintain optimism, and for the most part, I'm looking forward to just focusing on doing final thesis revisions, but I'm tired of not having the job security I seek and feel deserving of. I do agree that the college route is a viable one to follow up on, so will do so for the winter session.
On the bright side of things, I'm enjoying teaching privately and have received lots of inquiries for lessons. I started advertising in the local Japanese newspaper in March and have since attracted (and hung on to) 5 students. I continue to receive inquiries, so I'm hoping to add at least 3 more students. Doing so would provide me with a bit more financial security as well as establishing a reputation in the Japanese community. I am now considering advertising in Korean and South Indian community newspapers as well because those communities are growing rapidly, so there may be a market for my services therein.
In addition to enjoying private teaching, I also love the international student group I volunteer teach at the U of T International Student Centre. The group is diverse, consisting of a Korean, a Japanese, two Chinese, two Taiwanese, a Brazilian, and a Chilean. They're all so earnest and are at a high enough a level that it is a joy to teach them. With the exception of one undergrad, the students are all doing post-docs. Indeed, I've had to extend the course two weeks past the original end date, and the group is open to continuing on in the fall, an idea I have to float past the Director. Perhaps she would be open to me teaching a level one and two course concurrently at that time. I agree, such an opportunity can only lead
to other opportunities.
My writing group consists of Ph.d students mainly from U of T; there are only two us from OCAD. And yes, they're a great group to work/write/socialize with. It's nice to associate with others with similar pursuits and whose personalities are compatible with one's own. The experience mitigates the difficulties of the journey.
October 9, 2008
Fall seems to have arrived in Toronto, though I can't really complain. The late-summer weather has certainly been better than that in either early- or mid-summer. Temperatures have consistently hovered around the mid-teens and days have been sunny, which, given it's October, aren't bad conditions at all. I couldn't stomach the thought of snow right now.
After 9 drafts, I have finally submitted an acceptable version of my thesis. My advisor passed it on to a departmental (internal) reader who read it and provided comments (see below). After I made minor editions, my thesis went on to an external reader (a professor/writer who's an expert on my topic) based in New Zealand. She has a month to review and return it to my advisor and me with feedback. After additional editions, the thesis will then go to the Graduate Studies Committee for final approval, scheduled for sometime in November. If all goes as planned, I'll be done in December.
I never expected the thesis to take so long to write (and it’s still subject to revision, depending on what the external reader advises). When I started writing in November 2007, I expected it to take 6 months at the most to complete, despite L.’s forewarnings that it could take up to a year. Well, she was right. By the time the final draft is submitted for printing and binding, it will have taken a year to complete. It’s been a long, often frustrating process. The last few months, in particular, have been difficult as my ability to take an objective stance on the thesis became increasingly obscured by the many revisions I was making. I could no longer tell whether information was clear or sufficient in its content. Yet, I feel the exercise has been good for me. It has greatly improved my writing skills, particularly my ability to convey ideas clearly and to ensure strong connections between research data and analysis.
Apart from my thesis, I've continued volunteer teaching at the International Student Centre, U of T, where I teach 2 sections of academic writing and have a total of 25 students. I also continue to teach privately from home, and I now have 9 students. An additional 2 or 3 would put me in a more stable footing financially. I must say, I'm quite surprised at the response I've been getting. Of course, not all of my inquiries result in students, but the free trial lessons I provide usually have a 70% chance of a registration, so I can't complain. Perhaps I need to expand my advertising to include other local community papers. Regardless, I think I'm getting myself known, even through word of mouth.
C. R.’s Letter to L.:
October 2, 2008
Dr. E.,
Here are my comments re: Learning for life: Adult immigrant and international students adopting self-directed learning skills, thesis by Thomas R. Robles.
Thank you for the opportunity to read Thomas Robles’ thesis entitled Learning for life: Adult immigrant and international students adopting self-directed learning skills. This is an interesting thesis which looks at self-directed learning and how it applies, or could apply, to adult immigrant and international students in a formal postsecondary language -learning context. The author is to be commended for identifying a research project which addresses a gap in the literature and which also has intrinsic merit since it investigates a question that is directly relevant to the students he works with, namely adult immigrant and international students.
The introduction (chapter 1) is well-written, clear, logical, and presents a well structured document. The literature review (chapter 2) is well articulated, in-depth, and comprehensive, yet never loses its focus. The author engages critically and identifies supporting and opposing arguments. By the end of the literature review he has made a convincing case for his study.
One of the strengths of this work is the description of his methodology (chapter 3). It is detailed, self-reflective, and cognizant of considerations and choices, which shows an understanding of the process of qualitative research. While the thesis embraces some complexity it is never confusing. The author communicates respect for the participants, students and teachers alike. For example, he defines learners by their resourcefulness and strengths, and not only by their ‘deficiencies’ and need for help and advice. This work is in part informed by his experience of displacement, which provides the ground for empathy and appreciation of the difficulties students who relocate might face. He had clear questions and drew meaning and interesting findings from the responses to these few questions. He made very good use of quotes: they were appropriate and judiciously chosen to enlighten and demonstrate the concepts; the quotes are well integrated in the text so it flows very well.
The thesis ends with a modest but well-supported conclusion (chapter 4). The acknowledgement that one of his initial assumptions was incorrect, namely his views “about the ways students from non-Western cultures learn” (p. 92), increases the trustworthiness of the study. He clearly identifies the limits of his study, one of which is the small sample of participants, and suggests that attention to gender and broader cultural backgrounds could bring greater insights to his findings on self-directed learning for adult immigrant and international students. He examines the implications of his findings in terms of the literature and suggests some concrete applications in terms of his practice and for the wider field of adult education.
As for enhancing this already excellent document, I have a few minor suggestions.
In a few instances he refers to cultures that ‘prevent’ self-directing learning, yet the study demonstrates that culture was not an obstacle as learners from different cultural backgrounds were successful using self-directed learning. I would suggest using a term that is less absolute than ‘prevent’, possibly cultures that do not “encourage” self-directed learning. ‘Prevent’ generalizes, which is difficult to take seriously when used in reference to the large number of individuals who live in Korea and China, not to mention that China is a country of many cultures and possibly not as homogenous as we might think.
The Figure 1 (p. 25) is somehow confusing as it is not clear how the circles (I assume representing the double-helix) relate to the text in the boxes.
I would also suggest a minor clarification: while the pronouns used when referring to the participant R. are feminine, in one instance it is masculine (p. 101). This is probably a typo but should be rectified.
Finally, I would also be careful with generalizing as in “students of any background” (p. 105). Given that the sample was 3 students/learners, two from one culture, I would refrain from making such a generalization about “any” cultural background, a claim which cannot be supported by the study. Using “students from various backgrounds….can adopt….” would be more accurate.
This is a well-written, clear, logical, well-organized thesis. In fact, there are very few grammatical or spelling mistakes or typos, which reflect care and attention paid to details. The material is interesting, assumptions and limits are acknowledged, the methodology clearly described, and findings substantiated.
Thank you again, it was a pleasure to read.
Sincerely,
C. R.
C.R., Ph.D.
Assistant Professor
Department of Adult Education
St. Francis Xavier University